I used to like you
I'd get up in the morning to look at your face, wanting to be more like you
You were everything to me, my role model
I even put you on a pedestal
But the rest of the world didn't see you like that
People talking bad about you behind your back
Claimed you were fake, and everything was a front
They called you different names, from a fraud to a f------ c---
But they didn't understand you or what you'd been through
They didn't feel what I felt when I looked in your eyes
They couldn't have seen what I saw in you
You might have perfected the fake smile
But those eyes, they told no lies
See, I was just like you
I wore my heart on my sleeve too, just like you
I even had my love deceived too, just like you
I felt if you could do it, then I maybe I could too
So, I bore that pain of the world on my shoulder
And as we grew older and the world got colder
I didn't break, I didn't shudder, we just marched on like soldiers
But then something happened and you changed
You stopped smiling at me, you became so strange
I'd wave you wouldn't wave back
I'd say hi and get no reply
I thought it was just a phase
Till I noticed something change in your face
You stopped trying to fake a smile, and showed the world your real face
Your demeanor went from cheerful to desolate
It was almost like you had seen the devil and lost your faith
I could tell you'd been crying a lot lately
Your eyes went from bright, white and shiny
To dim, red and hazy
You now walked around with a dark cloud over your head
There was a new darkness in your eyes that felt like death
Something happened recently, but you refused to tell
Some said it was cause you lost your girl
Others said it was your health, and that you tried to kill yourself
All I know is that you looked like you had been to hell
So I kept my distance and observed from afar
Praying for the old you to return
It was like watching the light drain from a star
That used to light up the night sky, but now cant even make a candle burn
I used to like you
I used to want to be like you
But now I cant stand to look at you
So I avert my gaze when I look in a mirror
For fear of what I've become
*From the lost drafts, edited Mar 29, 2020.
